Did you know?
Throughout the world it’s very common for a bride to take on the last name of her groom but it’s never actually been a legal requirement?
That pearls are symbol of luck? Or that ending the ceremony with a kiss because, according to ancient Rome, the kiss is a legal bond that seals the contract?
That the white wedding dress is a rather new tradition and only common in western cultures?
According to Miriam Webster the word Tradition is defined as: the handing down of information, beliefs, or customs from one generation to another.
Traditions give us a sense of purpose and comfort. They help us hold on to our family memories and connect to our ancestors. Most western wedding traditions have been amassed over thousands of years, over multiple cultures and are still practiced today. Although most have been converted into something sweet and endearing most traditional wedding customs were formed for the benefit of a man - if not multiple men, with hetero cis gendered foundations. The modern day couple shouldn’t just blindly follow these traditions without understanding where they come from and why they exist first. Especially if the couple is multi-cultural, interracial, are of the LGBTQIA+ community, or are like me and just don’t look good in white. I urge you to ask yourself - Do these traditions make sense for me?
Many couples are forced into following through on said tradition(s) out of fear, societal pressures, having money held over their heads, or…being completely disowned if not followed.
I’m here to remind you that we’re not living in ancient times anymore, you’re a grown ass adult who makes their own life decisions, and that no matter who is paying, who’s attending, family expectations, or social media trends that your wedding day is YOUR day.
I say break tradition! Create NEW ones that align perfectly with your beliefs and lifestyle. Now let’s get into it!
Top 10 Wedding Day Traditions and Their Origins
1. Bridal Bouquets
This tradition originates from the ancient Greeks and Romans. Brides carried flowers to ward off evil spirits and bad luck. The bouquet often included certain medicinal herbs for their healing powers along with fragrant flowers for…get this…helping to conceal body odor. During the Victorian era bridal bouquets focused on seasonal blooms with specific meanings (also known as floriography - the language of flowers) of which the most popular blooms were symbols of fertility and fidelity.
Today flowers are chosen primarily for color preference and theme. We’ve replaced traditional bouquets with alternatives such as paper, silk, wood, jewelry, house plants and incorporated items such as crystals, pictures and even taxidermy. Instead of a bouquet we’ve seen the evolution of carrying a hoop, lantern or flower crown. And the men are starting to embellish lapels of their jackets, customize boutonnieres, and wear floral jewelry too.
2. Veils
It’s commonly believed that a bride wears a veil to present herself anew to her groom buuut the real tradition started with brides protecting themselves against evil spirits and the Romans would drape themselves from head to toe in red sheets to make it appear as if they were ablaze. Why? To scare off evil spirits of course!
Today’s brides have various options for veils which include crowns, colors galore and special touches like gems and personalized embroidery.
3. Bridesmaids & Groomsmen
In ancient Rome and China it was believed that rivals or evil spirits would attempt to kidnap the bride. Dressing your bridesmaids in matching attire confused the spirits and saved the bride.
The custom of groomsmen came about in an odd fashion. The groom, with the help of his groomsmen, would kidnap the bride and whisk her off to the altar. Although this practice became rather sweet over time, it’s believed that this originated with child brides or skipping out on bride fees.
The best man’s job? He stands guard next to the groom during the vows and later, outside the newlywed’s bedroom door juuuust in case anyone should attack or if a non-aquiescent bride should try to make a run for it. Groups such as the Huns, Goths, and Visigoths took so many brides by force that they kept a cache of weapons stored under the floorboards of churches for convenience.
Nowadays the MOH has it easy. Kind of. But back in the day she was responsible for making nearly all the wedding decorations and putting them up herself. FUN!
Later on, many cultures required many witnesses for legal purposes and these odd traditions have morphed into something nostalgic and sweet.
Although many couples still opt for bridesmaids and groomsmen the amount have dwindled to much smaller groups, similar or mismatched dresses/outfits, and are purely there for mental, emotional and sometimes physical support.
4. A White Wedding Dress
Ok this one is gonna blow your mind. In many societies the color white has long been associated with purity and virtue, especially in the West, but in Asia white is known for mourning and brides traditionally wear red. Historically white was not the only color considered for wedding dresses. In fact, other colors were chosen far more frequently than white mostly for reasons of practicality. Brides weren’t spending thousands on a dress to only wear once. They wore their best dress of which was usually blue, green or black and wore it over and over again. White is expensive and nearly impossible to keep clean or get stains out.
So why do so many of today’s brides wear white? Queen Victoria! The nuptials of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert was a massive spectacle and Queenie slayed. She had a massive following worldwide and when her fashion choice - chosen to help amplify the fine detailed Honiton lace which at the time was floundering - was widely reported in newspapers and magazines she instantly became a trendsetter influencing domestic as well as international wedding trends.
Initially embraced by wealthier brides, the trend of a white wedding gown eventually spread across all economic levels and was cement as “tradition” in the 20th century and adapted by Catholic and Christian churches to symbolize and push virginity and purity.
Today anything goes. Especially in the UK. Here in America we’re still enthralled with the white dress but man do I love seeing a black gown, dresses with color, 3-D embellishment, and fun add ons like a custom leather jacket, sneakers, sunglasses, or alternatives such as a custom suit, jumpsuits or even wardrobe changes for the reception such as sweats or comfy dress you can twerk in.
5. Giving The Bride Away
Oof yeah…I mean the name kinda says it all. Women were seen as property. Yup! Like owning a dog, a plot of land, or piece of fine furniture. Even by dear ole daddy. Back in the day fathers once used their daughters as currency to either pay off a debt to a wealthier land owner, symbolize a sacrificial monetary peace offering to an opposing tribe, or buy their way into a higher social status. Awww thanks Dad! Yuck!
Definitely something to consider for your walk down the aisle. I’m personally a big fan of walking down the aisle with your spouse, meeting them halfway or a solo trip.
6. The Rings
Engagement bands got their start in ancient Egypt, the circle symbolizing a never ending love. A diamond on the engagement ring came from the Sicilians who believed the stone was a sign of the fiery love. The “ring finger” came about because Christians and early science believed that a vein ran from the fourth finger directly to the heart.
Today’s couples are opting for natural and precious stones, vintage rings, alternative jewelry using hair, blood or plasma, replacing a ring with a necklace or earrings or skipping them all together.
7. The Garter Toss
The tradition originates from France and England. Guests would fight to get the garter from the bride as it symbolized good luck to whoever got it. It used to be that after the couple said “I do” they were to go immediately into a nearby room and “close the deal” aka consummate the marriage. To make it official of course there would need to be witnesses! Duh… So the entire wedding would shove in and around the bed to catch a glimpse of the action as well as a scrap of fabric from the brides dress as it was torn from her body because it was believed to bring good fortune. (Crickets)
It took a few hundo years but to avoid the embarrassment of a rowdy mob, public humiliation, rape, and the whole ordeal the newlyweds would toss the garter or bouquet to the crowd in order to distract them while the couple ran off to the wedding reception.
However this tradition still happens but has morphed into the groom doing some weird terrible strip tease on his bride in the middle of the dance floor with a boisterous cheesy DJ egging him on, then tossing the garter to his bros as if it’s a piece of meat for starving lions. The guy who gets it literally elbowed his friend in the face to get it. Weird flex bro…
What kinda 50 Shades of Gray, rugby competition type stuff are we doin people?! Whyyyyyy? This tradition really needs to stop. It’s awkward, humiliating and misogynistic.
8. Wedding Cake
Originally pieces of bread were used as a blessing and to promote fertility during the ceremony in the middle ages. After a chunk was bitten off by the groom he would break the rest of the loaf over the brides head letting the crumbs shower her with male dominance. Then the guests would scramble for the crumbs because you guessed it - they brought good luck. As trade routes developed access to ingredients like sugar, grains, spices, fruits, different customs and wealth helped this tradition evolve into using cake. Now guests would stand in line while the bride and groom cut the cake and passed tiny morsels through the blessed wedding ring into the hands of the waiting masses. Then that evolved into whole slices of cake that guests could place under their pillow forrrr…yup…good luck and sweet dreams of future husbands for the single ladies.
Cake toppers only came into being during the Victorian days due again to Queen Victoria and Prince Albert placing small figurines on their wedding cake.
Saving wedding cake was for practical use. What usually comes after marriage? A baby of course! Why bake a new cake when you can just use the other half of your freezer burned wedding cake to help bless the new arrival instead? It saves time and money.
Now we just smash cake into each others faces completely ruining hair and makeup artists work, wasting thousands of dollars buuuut still continue to munch on freezer burned cake a year later. Cool cool cool cool cool. I’m a big fan of the oh so popular handheld desserts such as donut walls, macaroons, candy or the self serving buffets, or individual mini cakes for each table instead.
9. Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Blue (and a sixpence or penny in my shoe?)
Stemming from England this tradition uses religion (Christianity) as it’s base. Something old ties the bride to her family and her past, while something new represents her new life as the property of a new family. Something borrowed was supposed to be taken from someone who was already successfully married so as to pass on a bit of good fortune to the new bride. The color blue stood for all sorts of super fun things like faithfulness, loyalty, and purity and the sixpence or penny is pretty literal as it’s supposed to bring fortune.
Meh…this one’s still followed but I’m not sure anyone knows why. Just because?
10. Throwing Rice
Man I really love getting pelted with waves of grain to the face. LOVE. IT.
This tradition is meant to shower the new couple with prosperity, fertility and of course good fortune. Oats, grains, and dried corn were used before throwing rice was a thing. Rice fell out of popularity because a rumor was started that if birds ate the rice it would expand in their stomachs causing the bird to explode. This is simply not true. Birds eat grains in the wild all the time with no problem. But what is a problem is wasting perfectly good food and the fact that rice is hella dangerous on many slippery surfaces such as pavement and tile.
Alternatives can equally be hazardous in that they’re not biodegradable or can cause serious injury or death such as smoke bombs or sparklers. Opting for something like bubbles, biodegradable papers or natural confetti such as flower petals, or leaves are safe and break down naturally.
However you choose to celebrate remember that at its core your wedding is a huge celebration of your love for your partner, and should be exactly how BOTH of you envision it. There is no right and wrong way to celebrate. No good or bad budget - just your budget and knowing why your making the decisions your making.
Go ahead! Break the rules! Especially the outdated ones. ; )
Sources: Miriam Webster, Wikipedia, Encyclopedia Britannic
Did you have a non-traditional wedding, place your own spin on tradition, or use an incredible vendor that you’d like to share?
Leave a comment below to tell us all about it!